In the Eyes of the Goddess
by Crystal7
Summary: Arthur and Morgaine speak of the night of the Beltane rituals. One Shot.


Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: This is based off of the book "The Mists of Avalon" not the mini-series.

- In the Eyes of the Goddess -

Morgaine sat outside the barn stable, enjoying the sunrise, she couldn't sleep that evening. Events were unfolding that she could not stop. Viviane was out of control, or had no control at all. Morgaine had not spoken to her foster mother in so long and she wondered what Viviane would have to say about this.

Arthur had been casting her longing glances for a while now and Morgaine knew, though she chose to ignore, what those longing glances truly meant. Beltane was coming up soon and she knew that he, just like her, would be reminded of the kingmaking. The night that Morgaine and Arthur had ceased to be brother and sister and had become man and woman in the eyes of the goddess.

"Morgaine?"

Morgaine glanced up to see Arthur standing over her, "Arthur, what are you doing out here?"

Arthur sat down next to his sister on the grass, "I'm always up before sunrise, but somehow this morning I simply could not sit still."

Morgaine closed her eyes and rested her head next to her brothers, heat radiated off both of their bodies, "I can understand that."

Arthur caught her hand and Morgaine felt startled. She opened her eyes and turned to her brother. She could feel his thoughts, almost parallel to her own, "Arthur-"

"Do you ever," he chocked out.

Morgaine pressed a finger to his lips, "Please Arthur, let us not talk about this."

Arthur looked down and then back up at her and Morgaine removed her finger, "We need to discuss this, I think. I think about that night every day, it haunts me in my dreams and with Beltane just around the corner..." his voiced wandered off.

"It does not matter," Morgaine whispered, "What's done is done and we cannot go into the past and changed these events. We were god and goddess that evening, and man and woman in the morning, now we are brother and sister. It isn't anymore than that."

"But it is," Arthur insisted, "I coupled with my sister!" He shrunk down at the pitch of his voice, loud, he looked afraid as if someone might have heard him but Morgaine doubted any one had. The boys who worked in the barn were probably still in bed with the girls who milked the cows.

"Arthur, I'm not asking you to forget about it, but simply try to put it in the back of your mind."

"I cannot, can you?" He asked his voice both stern and filled with an overwhelming emotion.

Morgaine turned her head away. Viviane had accused her of being with the Christians for too long when she had returned to Avalon and screamed at her for having her couple with her brother. Morgaine had turned and fled, and turned herself away from the goddess. She didn't want to be a part of that world because what had happened the night of the Beltane rituals. "No, it haunts me as well, but I do not allow it take over my life, Arthur you must move on, have children with your queen and be a good king."

Arthur studied her and then pressed a hand against her cheek, "My darling sister, I have wronged you so."

"It is a sin in the eyes of your priests, but is it a sin in eyes of your god?" She asked, "It is not a sin in the eyes of the goddess." She placed a hand, lovingly, over Arthur's. Arthur squeezed his fingers around her hand and brought it down from her face.

"The priests believe that god believes it is a sin."

"Since when are you loyal to just the one god?" Morgaine demanded, the topic completely turning away from the Beltane rituals and the parts they had played, "Gwenhwyfar has not turned you completely against the goddess has she?"

"No," Arthur said quickly, "and she never will."

Morgaine tried to relax but in the moment she knew, somehow she knew that Arthur would one day turn his back on Avalon, in one form or another. "I hope not. Come," Morgaine rose and brought her brother up alongside her, "Let us enjoy this morning's feast."

Arthur held her back for a moment and when Morgaine turned to him she was surprised when he wrapped her up in a hug. Morgaine felt safe in his arms. Her brother, her lover. "I've loved none but you," He whispered.

Morgaine pulled back and saw in his eyes what he meant was true. He loved his queen well, but Morgaine would always be the one, the one whom he could never have, but the one he would love for all time. Just as Lancelet was her one, she supposed and then shook the thought from her mind. No, that was not true. Arthur was her one. She lusted for Lancelet, yes, but Arthur was her one.

Morgaine kissed Arthur's forehead, "And I," she whispered. She saw the tears in her brother's eyes and then she clasped his hand tightly in order to fight the tears that would come to her own eyes and her own voice. She struggled as she said, "They will be wondering where we've gone off too." She took a merry pitch to her voice and allowed her brother to lead her back down to the castle.

Arthur loved her alone and she him. There would be others. Gwenhwyfar, Lancelet, and many more to come and go, but for all time they would always belong to each other. It was a sin by the rights of the Christian priests in this time, in this land, but sometime, in another life, they would not be brother and sister, they would not sin, and perhaps the Christian priests will have lost their power.

For now, Morgaine and Arthur had only the memory of Beltane to both comfort and frighten them. Comforted by the fact they truly loved each other, as brother and sister, and as lover to lover, but frightened by the feelings they held for one another that was seen as sin.

Despite her arguments that what they had done was not a sin, Morgaine felt otherwise in her heart. Arthur led her to great hall and Morgaine wondered if the Christian priests were beginning to take hold on heart. That's not true, she thought, I control my heart. Not the Christian God and not my Goddess. I do, just as Arthur is the master of his own.

"Where have you do been off too?" Gwenhwyfar asked, slight suspicion rising up in her voice.

Morgaine shrugged and sat in the chair that her brother offered her, "Enjoying the morning sunrise and just having a fond chat."

"About?" Gwenhwyfar demanded.

Morgaine wished she could slap the Christian Princess but did her best to refrain herself and keep her emotions inward. She was trained as a Priestess of Avalon, who did not tell a lie nor expose their emotions.

"Beltane," Arthur said, with honesty.

Gwenhwyfar made a face, "I do wish you would outlaw those heathen rituals."

Morgaine was in no mood to argue with her kinswoman about religion this morning, else wise she would have taken up the argument. She knew that Gwenhwyfar was baiting her, but instead turned away from the trap, for once.

"No," Arthur said, "The country folk are happy with their rituals. Besides, they are not hurting you or your soul, Gwenhwyfar, why do you care? If they burn in hell for their beliefs, what concern of it is yours?"

Gwenhwyfar's face expressed the shock that was riveting through her body at the moment. Morgaine couldn't help but smile, despite her training and hid it by ducking her head and grabbing for a piece of bread. She ate little, she was used to fasting on Avalon and doubt that she would finish half the bread.

Morgaine glanced up and saw the slight twinkle in Arthur's eye. As far as she had known, Arthur had never reprimanded Gwenhwyfar, especially not with a court that was soon filling with champions, family, and friends.

Morgaine wondered if Arthur wasn't outlawing Beltane because he wanted a reminder of his kingmaking. No, Morgaine thought, the memory alone would be enough. She slowly ate her bread and began to listen the mindless chattering of Gwenhwyfar's women.

Throughout the feast, however, Morgaine caught Arthur watching her several times and from the angry look on Gwenhwyfar's face, Morgaine knew that she saw. It didn't matter, Morgaine convinced herself, Gwenhwyfar would never learn that Morgaine and Arthur had coupled and that they shared a son. Arthur himself would never know that he had a son and that was just the way Morgaine was content to keep it.

THE END


End file.
